How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Found your dick twin last night
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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