I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He did a backflip because drugs
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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