he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
