He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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