question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
