Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
