I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize