first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
