What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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