my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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