somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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