you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
