Kiss
Puke
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
