The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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