I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
