Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
