so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
