I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Randomize