If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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