I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize