Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
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