Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
