I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Houston, we have a squirter
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
