dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
