It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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