You really coming over, don't trick.
I just saw a hot homeless man
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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