wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
