she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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