Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
