I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
