I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
