and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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