Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
