The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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