Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
