just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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