Will you blow on my dice?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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