...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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