Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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