I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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