she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
