I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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