Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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