He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
