i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
