Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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