also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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