Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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