So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
