im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I think my moral compass just broke
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
