Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
if only i could text you this smell
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
