All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
