please come you make the beer taste better
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize