dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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