I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
