Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
