don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
