she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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