What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
