The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
