Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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