shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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