yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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