You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
