He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
