i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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