i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
