i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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