I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I deserve this hangover.
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