fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
