Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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