I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
