I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
