its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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