I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
