How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
