I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
