I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
