So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
