Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
