the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
