You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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