There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
