but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
