So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
