Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
