Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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