Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize