i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
