Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
