Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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