I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
