I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
