oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
is it fun? or sober?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
