capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
