so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
