Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
