I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
