"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
