i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
