So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
